Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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