Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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