I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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