Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Rumble strips road head = magical
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
