This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
