My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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