dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
