i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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