Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
