He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hippo gnu deer
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
