This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
