a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
