I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
