Where are you?
In a non slutty way
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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