If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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