So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
