Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
