Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
