Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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