He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
