we're blogging at a bar
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
