im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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