so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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