I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
