My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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