life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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