How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
