So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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