Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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