I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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