Dual....:-)
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
