Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
