I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
