oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do herpes really smell.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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