Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
