What did we do last night that was yellow?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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