Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
