friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
