i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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