it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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