question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
