Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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