This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
