U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize