Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
