It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
