So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
