Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
