he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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