His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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