dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
