I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
