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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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