told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
