The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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