we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
