There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't turn off my feet"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
