you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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