she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
