You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
should my penis look like a turkey
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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