Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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