Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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