It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
