So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
