I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
