Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
