I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
