If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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