I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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