I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
